he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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