I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
