I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
