wat bout pragnant strippers??
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
