I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
