So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
