bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
