his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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