I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
