Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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