he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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