I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
