Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
