I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
