yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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