My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Floor bacon is actually really good
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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