I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
