And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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