How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
