Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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