So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
