I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
