I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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