so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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