i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
