Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
