my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just gift wrapped bread.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Two words: nipple clamps
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