Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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