you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
