I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
