if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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