We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Terrible idea I love it
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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