I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
