You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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