I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
