I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
