She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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