she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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