So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
