Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
