Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
