Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
