Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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