I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
