Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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