my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
