You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
