this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
