I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
love makes seman taste better
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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