I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
