Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
